Saturday, November 28, 2009
Since there really is no such thing as a break at a small Catholic university, I am now in search of my Muse for my last 2 papers of my last fall semester of my last year at college, at last.
Turkey day was good, I spent it at a friend's grandmom's house. While it was good, it was still sad and lonely as any holiday away from home ought to be. My roommate left for the weekend as well, so it's been a quiet weekend.
One of my high school classmates is getting married today--eek. I'm almost 22. In 8 years I'll be 30. When my brother graduates from High School I'll be 28. Ugh...what am I going to do with my life?! This weekend my life is writing 2 papers, one on Evelyn Waugh's Brideshead Revisited and another on Shelley's poetry. Rather ambitious on the latter half, and drawing a blank for the former...a wonderful chocolate is awaiting me, tempting me as it sits on my desk, which I have alotted to myself on the completion of something, anything, today.
The countdown has begun..3 weeks til I go home. : )
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Friday, November 20, 2009
These, my friends, are the shoes that carried me to the dance last weekend. They were option #3, I found the absolute perfect shoes at Charlotte Rousse, and the second pair were at Marshalls, and finally due to lack of my size (because everyone my size must love them), I finally found these and happily sported them for most of the evening.
I've failed at blogging this week, due to...due to what? .. Hm, I'm not sure either. It was a busy week, I guess, from here on out the semester will only be easy. I had 2 papers due earlier this week and one later last week--I received the one from last week back and was disappointed...I knew I did bad, BUT, somehow...I had hopes...for...haha, I don't know what for. I knew it was a bad paper an dmy professor figured just as much...I was going to use him for a reference, but now I'm second-guessing...it's funny how much feelings-in-the-moment drive our decisions...I'm now second-guessing the whole Masters program, which I found to be perfect. I don't know what to do...
"I don't know what to do with my life..." haha. For now I guess I'll just live. ...Hmm...what do I really want?...What do I really want to do? ... I want to be a wife and mother (No, I'm not going for my M-R-S degree...), I just think that's what I want. No one really wants that now it seems, all this talk about careers and moving up, doing for yourself, finding yourself, being yourself. I think people are just selfish and afraid. Selfish to give of themselves and afraid of failing...
Anyways...random thoughts for the day.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
One day I will stand like this...looking out over my yard...from my home. Drinking...what is it? Wine? Coffee??...haha. one or the other.
Monday, November 16, 2009
I can't wait to go home for Christmas break. And there will be snow, and family and my 11-year-old brother and just more home-ness. Regardless of where you're from, I think that there's just some unseen understanding of your presence where you grew up. ...Lutovsky's still live down the road, and know that I don't like playing baseball and that I'm going for Theology. The lady at the bank will ask how school is going, her husband was my student-teacher driver for Drivers Ed. Coach Barta will still go into the gas station, and the same little old ladies will be sitting at the same spots for daily Mass.
Wen I leave, I feel like part of me just stays at home. I get home and I just think, "*sigh*, yes, I forgot about you. That's just right--feels like me." ...
So what lies betbween me and this magical place, haha: 2 papers and a quiz tomorrow, first of all. After that, mm..I don't know...a few more papers, a few more quizes, a few tests, an oral exam...and one month. Oh how I can't wait.
The light's on at the end of the tunnel, I can see it now.
Friday, November 13, 2009
It's been a long, rather up-and-down, emotionally-driven, week. *so happy today's Friday*
As I sat on my bed crying (some day this week), my roommate Grace was reflecting out loud, "we never used to have problems like this." Between cancer, alcohol, appendicitis, best friends having babies, boys and school--all the emotions able to be experienced seem to be covered amidst our tight-knit group of girlfriends. People we know are dying and people we know are getting married. We're in those choice years that seem to shape a person by teaching...and the early 2o-something-year old learns from experience, aka "the hard way."
Anyway, the joke on me today: I stayed up into the wee hours of the morning to finish a paper, only to find that on Monday of this week (yes, 4 days ago, Monday) we received an extension. I came to class ready to hand over all that I could muster on the Romantic movement into the second generation packed into 6 and 1/2 pages, to find an extra 48 hours in which I now get to revise. :). ...I'd rather just turn it in.
School seems to be consuming my life right now--paper, paper, paper, quiz, annotated bibliography, read, read, read. It's good though. Just overwhelming.
I can't complain right now: Life is good. The heart of life is good, and I have been blessed with th grace to be happy in the moment, so I have nothing to complain about.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
I can't wait...to get all dolled up for the dance this weekend.
I can't wait...to return that dress I bought from Gap online, so I can have 30 more bucks.
I can't wait...to take the afternoon for myself tomorrow, instead of going to work.
I can't wait...to finish this paper tonight, and do it well.
I can't wait...to read Brideshead Revisited.
I can't wait...to hear from my family in the next couple days.
I can't wait...to see my best friend's first baby in a few months.
I can't wait...to be done with undergraduate SCHOOLING.
I can't wait...to take just one day at a time.
Life is good. I'm so stressed. But Life is good. And as long as I just take it one thing at a time, and keep asking "what's the worst that could happen if this doesn't go as planned?" I'll be fine.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Saturday, November 7, 2009
I think that after I graduate from college I'll start a real blog, until then I'll just dip around.
Life is life here, it just keeps moving. Things are always changing, and we just have such problems adjusting to change...I feel like I'm in between stages...not quite outta here--no longer tied here. ...I can't wait to be done with school for awhile. I don't know what I'll do next, but I know that nothing will be like the education I received here, at a small Catholic liberal arts school. It's advertised as "rigorous" and students only speak of graduation as "survival." ...I can't wait to move back North...I miss my winter wardrobe, hot coffee because it's cold, and my family.
I also found out last night I won't be getting any visitors from home for Thanksgiving, my parents and sister were thinking about coming. In light of recent events, concerning "the-X," I also will be staying here rather than going to anyone's home. Darn. Sad holidays. College days can be so lonely.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
I guess I have to learn how to sing in the rain.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Sunday, November 1, 2009
I think I hurt my heart yesterday: in honor of Halloween, a group of us got together to watch a scary movie, Quarantine. I was definately scared, but it was definately worth it--I love the thrill that it gives you (makes you feel so alive, haha), and I find it thoroughly entertaining, to sit on a couch with a bunch of people who all scream and jump at the same time and then laugh hysterically while actually being completely scared. I think it's hilarious.
I was also thankful for daylight savings today, and found it amusing that my bf was up, showered, dressed and on his way down to meet me for Mass before realizing the time change. The rest of the day was filled with a long nap, House (this is a great season), my first time viewing 30 Rock (which I found hilarious), meeting up at the pub with a couple girlfriends for the Vikings games (Vikings beat the Packers again, 38-26), and a friendly match of 2 on 2 sand volleyball, in which me and the bf won a couple rounds in the ongoing world series titled "Matt&Bec-Take-The-World." While I only use the title of this series when we play volleyball, that's how I feel, we're trying to figure out if we're meant to be...if we really can take on the world together. Regardless of how it ends, it sure is great now.
Now I'm off to find my muse...hopefully he accompanies this cup of coffee which, I'm sure, will not dissappoint (it's always better to look at the positive side rather than the negative...).